My son's 10th birthday

My son, Coulters 10th birthday was coming up. What could I do that would mark his birthday and express my gratitude and joy for his 10 years on this earth? My mind first went toward physical feats. I could swim around Quartermaster Harbor (which is no small thing in a Pacific Northwest early spring.) I could run some atrocious number of miles, do 100 push-ups or walk through our neighborhood on my hands. As I pondered these I knew I was somehow missing the point. When I shared my intention with Coulter and my husband, Mike, however, they got the point immediately and simultaneously shouted, You're going to jump off the Black Heron!

When my stomach lurched and I immediately felt like throwing up, I knew they we're right. This was not about challenging myself physically. This was about having something at stake. This was about giving up fear for joy. This was about celebrating Coulters birthday by attaching meaning to my gratitude.

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The Black Heron is a big boat. I am deathly afraid of jumping into water and despite hours hovering on the edge of pools as a kid, never have. In fact, it is frightening dreams of hitting water that most often startle me out of sleep.

Two weeks in advance of the big day I did an acclimation slither into the Puget Sound to mollify friends warning me about the dangers of hypothermia. But frankly, the temperature was of negligible concern to me in the face of my fear of jumping into water. As the day grew closer and we we're busy planning Coulter's party, doubt and regret began to take up permanent residence in my gut. Why in the world did I put this out there? Couldn't I ever keep my crazy ideas to myself? I began to doubt myself in a big way.

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Posted in Other Home Post Date 08/19/2018


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